oh yes, every now and then i like to get carried away! Be spontaneous. Carpe diem. I remember jumping into a car and driving 19 hours from Fair Lawn, NJ to Kansas City, MO. Crazy joyride.

Am i afraid of dark? Am i afraid of heights? Dunno! Seriously. I think i am not, although i would never enter any forest at night! Once i wanted to take a romantic stroll. Just me and my friend. There was only a forest around our cabin. Are you sure you wanna go in there? – she asked. Sure! – i replied. The dead of the night was not a problem. Ok – she said. When we approached the first trees i chickened out. And the date was over. Well, not a date, a romantic night walk in the b e a u t I f u l and c o z y forest (sense the sarcasm).

However, i like the darkness. I remember changing rooms at my childhood home. My sister was out and i wanted to watch some tv. I turned off the light in my room and rushed firmly to my sister’s kingdom across the hall. It was so dark i could not see anything. But it was my home, i knew every corner. I was not afraid. All of the sudden i hit my head against something that was not supposed to be there. How? What? It is against the force of nature or any laws of physics! – i shouted in my mind. Has a strange force just stopped me? – i considered in disbelief – Am i being abducted? 

And then i got enlightened! Bathroom door! My mom left it wide open. Damn! I touched my eyebrow i felt something – a thick, sticky goo. I went inside the bathroom, switch the light on and saw my red face. That was my own blood. I cut my eyebrow open. I pressed the wound with my finger and went to my sister’s room to watch some tv. Nah, i am not afraid of the darkness.

Fear of heights? Dunno. Sometimes i think i am fine, sometimes i do not. It depends if the space is wide open around me. I can look through out the window on the 100th floor, however standing on the verge of a cliff? That is a different story. 

In 2007 or 2008 i was asked – Maciej, do you wanna go to the balloon festival in Germany?

Hell yeah! – i shouted right away.

Getting inside the balloon is fun. But when you have a camera around your neck, not so much. I had to get inside the gondola when the balloon was taking off the ground. I got there … head over heels! Literally.

My camera was safe and that was the most important issue. I took zillion of pics leaning out over the rim of the basket. I felt no fear. Maciek, can you move a bit? – a captain of the flying machine asked. And i got frozen! I could not move. I was petrified! I grabbed my right leg with my both hands trying to move it. Nope. My limbs must have weighted a ton or so! I was so afraid. I realized that i was in a small basket hundreds of meters above the ground. Wide open space around me. 

My dear Kansas Cityan/Missourian friend Mike posted a pic from NYC on his Instagram few days ago. He was enjoying the City and one specific Broadway show. I so envied him that trip. Yet another year without me visiting New York, my most beloved city of the world. Damn, in 2022 i am gonna go there for sure. Two-year gap? It is way too long. I remember skipping my holiday in USA in 2011. But i was unemployed until June and then it was too hard to collect money. And now? Bad, bad, covid-19. 

I had a small talk with my friend Michael and … yesterday i had a dream. I was on the roof of that one (of two) building on Times Square.

I was so scared. I could not move. If i get closer to the edge i would fall down – i thought. However, i could see the street life from up there. 

Not that long ago my friend stayed in the W Hotel on Times Sq. He was offered a room on the 57th floor. Not too shabby for a polish guy, right? The view was amazing. All of the Times Square lights could be seen easily. I could feel the throbbing city. Interestingly enough, i still could hear the street noise.

But in my dream i was extremely afraid. I wanted to get down. On the other hand, i was intrigued and was lurking down, staying away from the edge of the roof. One hand was holding tight to a wall of a tiny (staircase?) building on the top of the roof (can you hold onto the wall?).

Am i afraid of heights? Or am i missing the City so bad? Did i get carried away?

I love New York.